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WHY WOMEN STAY
  • Retaliation
  • Loneliness                
  • Being alone                
  • Police                
  • Not being believed                
  • Change                
  • Leaving                
  • Emotional trauma to children                
  • Independence
  • Increased abuse

THEY STAY BECAUSE OF A BELIEF:

  • No one else will ever love them               
  • They deserve to be treated abusively                
  • It is God’s plan                
  • Their husband will change                
  • Leaving will not change behavior                
  • Low self-esteem                
  • They have no other alternatives               
  • This behavior is normal               
  • They minimize/deny severity of abuse              
  • They are obligated to make his life better               
  • Honeymoon stage will continue
  • The can change them self to please him
  • The feel guilt over failed marriage
  • Children aren’t affected by violence unless directly hit

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MYTHS:

  • Domestic Violence only happens to poor people
  • If he stops drinking he won’t hit me anymore
  • All battered women are crazy
  • Women provoke beatings

EMOTIONAL FACTORS:

  • Guilt
  • Ignorance
  • Need to feel needed
  • Feel responsible to him
  • Confusion
  • Numbness
  • Sympathy
  • Love him
  • Feels addicted to him
  • Enjoys relationship when there is no abuse

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THEY STAY BECAUSE OF REALISTIC CONCERNS:

  • Lack of job skills
  • Lack of education
  • Loss of financial security
  • Need to support children
  • Childcare problems
  • No support from family
  • Lack of police protection
  • Not enough energy to leave
  • Society would not understand
  • Cultural and religious stigma
  • No support from friends
  • Danger to her and children

Why women stay was compiled by the women who attend the weekly support groups at Harbor House.

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Leaving is possible for those who want to....

Instead of asking “Why does she stay?” ask,“Why doesn’t he take responsibility for his actions?” Domestic Violence is one of the few crimes that people ask the victim to take responsiblity for change.

Women have many reasons for staying with an abusive partner.  Some of the beliefs and situations that effect a woman’s decision to stay are:

  • Belief that she can change her partner’s behavior.
  • Belief that her partner will reform.
  • Doubts about getting along without a man.
  • Religious and cultural beliefs that divorce is wrong.
  • Children who need a father’s support.
  • Economic hardship--inadequate income to support herself and her children.
  • Lack of low-income housing.
  • Lack of child support.
  • Difficulty for women with children to get work.  Lack of affordable childcare.
  • Threats of taking or getting custody of the children if she leaves.
  • Threats of violence and death to her, her children, and others who help her; threatens to kill herself.
  • Threats of physical attacks and threats to kill the partner, the children, and/or family members increase when the abused partner is attempting to leave.  79% of spousal abuse is committed after the woman leaves. This threat is very real.

 

 

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Why would a woman who has been physically abused by her partner remain with him?  Findings report three major factors influencing actions of abused women.

  • The less severe and less frequent the violence, the more a wife remains  with her partner, often to keep the family together for the sake of the children.  When the violence is toward her children, she is more likely to     leave.

  • Evidence shows that violence passes from generation to generation.  Boys  who witness the abuse of their mothers are more likely as adults to abuse their partner.  Girls learn that society accepts violence against women. It seems accepted behavior.

  • The fewer resources a woman has, the more likely she is to stay with her violent partner.  She often seeks help, but does not receive the support necessary for safety and for economic support of herself and her children.

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Contact Information:
Manitowoc County Domestic Violence Center
1127 S. 22nd. St,   Manitowoc, WI  54220     
Crisis Line: 920-684-5770 or 1-877-275-6888
Business: 920-684-4661    Fax: 920-684-6344