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Battering Myths and Realities
Adapted from Lenore Walker, “The Battered Woman” and Dating Violence Intervention Project, “Preventing Teen Dating Violence.”
MYTH: Battered individuals are generally masochistic or hysterical.
FACT: Abuse is not preceded by provocation.
MYTH: Victims bring on the abuse themselves, they ask for it.
FACT: Perpetrators believe they have the right to use abuse to control their partner, and they see the victim as less than equal to themselves. The victim has no control over the abuser.
MYTH: Middle class people do not get battered as frequently or as violently as do individuals with lesser incomes.
FACT: Battering appears to cut across classes although it is reported less often in middle classes.
MYTH: Religious beliefs will prevent battering.
FACT: Religious individuals are equally likely to batter.
MYTH: Men are battered by women just as often as women are battered by men.
FACT: The U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics reports that 95% of the reported incidents of assaults in relationships are committed by males.
MYTH: Batterers are violent in all their relationships.
FACT: The ‘Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde’ syndrome appears in those who batter, even though it is true that violent people, in general, tend to be abusers.
MYTH: Jealousy and possessiveness are a sign of true love.
FACT: Jealousy and possessiveness are a sign that the person sees the victim as a possession. It is the most common early warning sign of abuse.
MYTH: The batterer is not a loving partner.
FACT: Batterers, following the cycle of violence, are often apologetic and affectionate after the abuse.
MYTH: Alcohol causes a person to batter.
FACT: Many who batter do not drink heavily, and many alcoholics do not beat their partners. Further, batterers who do drink don’t necessarily give up battering when they give up drinking. While some abusers do beat their partners while they are drunk, the alcohol is often used as an excuse.
MYTH: Once a batterer, always a batterer.
FACT: Those who abuse can eventually change with willingness and help, but it must be their decision to change.
MYTH: If a person stays in an abusive relationship, it must not be that bad.
FACT: People stay in abusive relationships for a number of reasons: fear, economic dependence, confusion, loss of self-confidence, not recognizing that what’s happening is abusive, belief that the abuser needs their help or will change.
MYTH: Victims deserve to be beaten.
FACT: No justification for violence exists — it is a criminal act.
MYTH: Most batterers are bums or crazy people.
FACT: Batterers are found in all classes and types of people: rich, poor, professional, unemployed, black, white, urban, and rural.
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Contact Information:
Manitowoc County Domestic Violence Center
1127 S. 22nd. St, Manitowoc, WI 54220
Crisis Line: 920-684-5770 or 1-877-275-6888
Business: 920-684-4661 Fax: 920-684-6344